The Fish Story
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•June 4, 2020
It’s All About Treading Water; North End Coyotes Rearing Up Again
How do we know if we’ve achieved the new normal … or if we’re treading water in some vague transitional phase? I leaked in some personal preference by alluding to “treading water.” For the time being…
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•May 21, 2020
May Holiday Beachiness Reign; Weirdest Methods of Selling Distancing
COVID-19 circumstances might make this the most significant Memorial Day weekend since it was invented in 1868. While there will hopefully be no diminishing from the sanctity of “Decoration Day” –…
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•May 17, 2020
Becoming New Nation of Hippies; Garter Snakes Have Feel for Brotherhood
I’m starting to see us as a nation of hippies: long-haired, hanging out in single-family communes, home-educating children, profusely sewing things, sowing outback veggies and, lately, pondering…
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•May 7, 2020
Remember Who Your Business Buddies Are; Beach Accident Ends Up a Miracle of Miracles
THE NEW ESSENTIAL: The entire COVID-19 essentiality-picking process put extraordinarily little emphasis on the also-ran: the nonessential. As tens of millions know, the nonessential boot to the ass…
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•April 16, 2020
Have Another Hit … of Sweet Air; Guv Taking Flak Over Parks Ban
So, are we having fun yet … you buncha shaggy dogs? Hey, I have no room to talk. My mane, never a thing of beauty to begin with, looks like something even the cat wouldn’t drag in. Can you imagine…
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•April 9, 2020
Beaches All But Dead in the Water; Perfect Time to Ruin Everything
I gave it my best shot – to keep beaches open, that is. But, science and sensibility fell prey to what amounts to shutdown hysteria. The near Island-wide shutdown of “water activities” was admittedly…
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•April 2, 2020
With Quarantine, Plenty More to Come; Bluefish 2020 Telling in Big Picture Way
A good and proper quarantine needs plenty of outs, literally. Be it trips out back for a breath of fresh backyard air or a lengthy trip to the outback for a walkabout – and maybe a pickerel hunt or…
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•March 28, 2020
This Is No Time to Abandon the Beach; Ticks Are Popping Up Faster Than Daffodils
BEACHBORNE HEALTH: I hate change beyond the average soul; therefore, these are insanely trying times for me. Face it: For the moment, everything in the world has changed. In fact, there are many who…
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•March 19, 2020
Distance Yourself Huddled at Home – Or Go Where Killer Sun Shines Brightest
It’s a Blizzard of the Century without snow, a 500-year flood without water, a Cat. 5 hurricane without wind, a Superstorm Sandy without evacuation. In fact, what’s the total opposite of an…
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•March 11, 2020
Fishing to Stave Off Sundry Viruses; LBI Surf Classic Growing in Off-Season
Sorry, but I can’t avoid the 900-pound virus in the room – hopefully not in the room itself.
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•March 10, 2020
Coywolf, Baby, in the Shadows; Timely Changes for Atlantic Standard Time?
Yet another report of an LBI coywolf presence on the north end. See related story in this issue.
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•February 26, 2020
That Tat Can Have Afterlife of Its Own; Thrown Curves From Sky Above
There was a time when tattoos were pretty much forever. Those of us who bear artistic ink long assumed we’d be going down under with it – and I’m not talking Australia. Well, such perpetuity thinking…
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•February 19, 2020
Pass Me Another Portion of Them-There Robin Breasts; Closing in on Final Striped Bass and Bluefish Regs for 2020
Somewhat a-cringe, I recently listened in on a conversation about the days of eating robins. The breast meat of a hapless robin red breast is apparently suitably edible, if you’re into that sort of…
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•February 13, 2020
Skinny Sardines Loom Large in the Big Picture; Wintry Clamming Times Beg a Meatier Chowder
I need to start small this week with the breaking news that sardines, on the whole, are half the size they were just 10 years ago. Thetimes.co.uk headlines: “Sardines shrink to half their size in a…
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•February 10, 2020
Coywolves Are Coming to Town, All Part of a Wild Canine Takeover
“Look, there’s a coyote crossing the road.”
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•January 29, 2020
Watch Your Forearms When It Rains Iguanas; The Final Say on 2020 Striped Bass Regulations
“This isn’t something we usually forecast, but don’t be surprised if you see iguanas falling from the trees tonight as lows drop into the 30s and 40s!” Such went a recent issuance by the National…
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•January 22, 2020
Following Waze Directions Into the Heart of Nowhere; Ruthless Young Hunters Become Instant Online Targets
I’m so easily amused it’s laughable. As we speak, I’m fully a-chuckle over images of happy little Atlantic City-bound cars and vans becoming hopelessly bogged down in deep Pinelands sugar sands, with…
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•January 15, 2020
Popcorn Is the Staff of Snack Life; Free Buggying for Disabled Vets
As we hump through football’s finales and a cascade of televised sports, many of us keep our closest munch buddy nearby -namely popcorn. The indispensable edible is in our nation’s lifeline, born of…
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•January 8, 2020
It Was Likely the Perfect Time for a New Year; Wind Turbines Will Stick up 1/8th of an Inch
IS IT A NEW YEAR YET? I didn’t attend the overall 2020 ushering-in ceremony. At about 11 p.m. on New Year’s Eve, I plopped down on my Purple Mattress and put on some Mongolian chant music, featuring…
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•December 18, 2019
Cold Winter Nights Staring at Cheetos; Make Coming Year Green As Can Be
Weirdness can arrive in many forms. Take, for orange instance, the ongoing rush for big-dollar Cheetos. You heard me right. In fact, maybe you’ve heard about this shape-shifting junk food search. If…
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•December 11, 2019
Finding Deep-Down Blame for Global Warming; Regulations Will Fly as Bluefish Stocks Fall on Hard Times
We hold the atmosphere as sacred. Despite our admiration of and addiction to it, we have likely dealt it an overdose of wrong by spewing our highly human Industrial Revolution gases in its face. But…
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•December 4, 2019
Freshness Is Not in the Eyes of Kuwaiti Beholders; Walled Narwhal Tusk Called Into Anti-Terrorist Duty
Here we go again with weirdness manifest. This one sounds so fishy it must be true. Seems a Kuwaiti fishmonger was busted covering the dull, been-dead-too-long eyes of whole fish with dime store…
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•November 27, 2019
Bring on Thanksgiving Striper, Pilgrim; Wildlife-Killing Ribbons Raining Down
I continue to stump for stripers as holiday fare, speaking of just-keeper bass in the 28- to 32-inch range. That is far(e) and away the best size to thoroughly savor. Anything larger and a slew of…
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•November 20, 2019
Intracoastal Waterway Finally Getting Its Due Dredging; Completed Causeway Looking Good for All User Groups
We went from “Cold enough for ya?” to “Windy enough for ya?” Perish the thought of adding “Snowy enough for you yet?” How about “Is this warm weather weird enough for ya?” I’m still banking on some…
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•November 12, 2019
When Wild Turkeys Attack; Presenting Perfect Holiday Bass
Up in the Berkeley section of Ocean County, Yankees then Mets ballplayer Todd Frazier is being attacked by wild turkeys. All right, maybe he isn’t being attacked as much as unholily harassed, but…
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•October 29, 2019
Poacher Gets Fried in Court; Balloon Wash-ups Hit Milestone
NOW, THAT’S A FINE!: A recent SandPaper story told of some poached diamondback terrapins. No, notpoached as in slowly cooked. These were terrapins involved in what was likely the largest bust of its…
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•October 22, 2019
When Cussin’ Becomes Too Damn Much; Sorting Out What Makes Atmosphere Go Gonzo
MANN OVERBOARD: Do you curse your ass off? I’m talking about loosing a ton of crude cusses, per day; countless per annum. Is your language inevitably saturated with enough verbal vulgarity to incur…
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•October 15, 2019
A Storm By Any Other Name; Timing Your Exit From LBI
Well, are we done yet? I’m speaking of post-season events on LBI, even rained-out ones.
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•October 9, 2019
Being a Nuisance Is Part of Nature; Awaiting Another Week of Windage
One of my favorite reads is the monthly report of wildlife-related nuisance calls to the NJ Division of Fish and Wildlife. The list is the enumerating, by species, of complaints born of wildlife and…
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•October 2, 2019
Trouble in Holgate High Grasses; Bluefish Should Get Angler Love
DE-FOXING TO SAVE PLOVERS: I got a scathing phone call from a gal fully infuriated after getting word that lethal means are being used to eliminate foxes from the Holgate Wilderness Area, part of the…
