The Fish Story
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•December 22, 2022
Feeling Bad for ‘Happy’ This Holiday; Bigger Pipes Are Coming to Drain Us
’Tis upon us, the time of year when “Merry Christmas and Happy New Year” ring out, wonderously. While I merrily adhere to this great greeting, I nonetheless feel an odd sympathy for “Happy.” Say…
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•December 15, 2022
When Poaching Becomes a Conspiracy; Miraculous Speed of a Finger Snap
It has been a frosty end to fall. Not so much frosty cold, but actual ice crystals on roofs and eelgrass, which is a rare look on the Island. Ocean breezes often prevent the early a.m. sparkle show…
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•December 13, 2022
Crustacean Shells Assist Humanity Power Needs; Jersey Has It Going When Comes to National Honesty
We could very well be riding into the future on the backs of shrimp and crabs, so to speak. And, no, this is not the latest rendition of “Dune.” It’s more along the lines of staying cleanly powered…
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•November 30, 2022
Cellular Seafood Is Being Made as We Speak; Giant Geese Have Come Back From the Dead
The guns of Barnegat Bay are once again announcing the shivery dawn, a bit like well-armed roosters. While I don’t hunt, I’m not indifferent to the fact that hunters have preserved more wetlands and…
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•November 24, 2022
Things Are Wild on the NJ Turkey Front; Seeking Those Pond-Attacking Vandals
Welcome to the holiday season. May inflation work its subtle magic by making this year’s gift giving more spiritual than material, more giving than grabbing. Hey, thoughtfulness can trump even…
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•November 21, 2022
It Gets No More Inaccessible Than Point Nemo; Don’t Question the Right to Take Striper Selfies
EVERYBODY KNOWS THIS IS NOWHERE: My social graces are anything but graceful. I’ve never been a social butterfly – more like a bristly caterpillar trying to escape people for all its many legs are…
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•November 7, 2022
You Better Be There to Buy … or Not; Rescue Made in Green Briar Hell
Let’s start off in Weirdnessville this week by focusing on that quick-change billboard on Route 72 in Manahawkin near the Holiday Inn. It’s digitized and computerized, brightly cycling through…
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•November 1, 2022
Contest Becomes a Leaden Downfall for Cheaters; LBI Bluefin Tuna Travels to the Mediterranean
The real-time capture of cheats at an Ohio walleye fishing contest has become a nationwide news sensation, highlighted by scathing social media comments evoked by smartphone video recordings of the…
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•October 21, 2022
There’s No Passing Up This Year’s Classic; Jersey Thing Become an Arkansas Thing
If you have an outside thermometer, go out and make nice since it’s about to take a wild and crazy ride. How the heck is Steve Martin doing these days?
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•October 6, 2022
Ian Morphs Into a Nor’easter Storm Thing; You, Too, Might Be a Born Asparagus Reader
It goes without saying – yet I shall – Ian the Demon was as bad as a ’cane comes … and then some. The then some was the totally unnecessary ass kicking it planted on us, for days on end. Ian has…
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•September 28, 2022
Acupuncture for Damaged Plugging Shoulders; Tapping Into the Meyer’s Hole Menagerie Pack
I’m sort of short-winded this week. Yes, I of over-verbalness – more than once cited by the word police for offering columns exceeding the posted limits – am running on empty, which tangentially begs…
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•September 22, 2022
One Bad Clam Can Spoil the Fluke Barrel; Old Barney’s Closed Days Are Numbered
September is living up to its namesake motto, as in “It’s better in September.” It has been just that, overall. Of a.m. autumnal evidence, we are experiencing increasingly regular cool, pine-scented…
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•September 15, 2022
That’s One Way to Suck Up Microplastics; We’re Now Running on Holgate Time
I won’t harp on this, but Sept. 10 was the peak of the hurricane season and there was virtually nothing cyclonic to peak upon, short of the wilting remnants of H. Earl.
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•September 10, 2022
Gone But Possibly Not for All That Long; New Jellyfish Is A-Sting in the Surfline
I know it seems as if most summerites have flown the Island coop, but I’ll dare to say it’s an iffy departure. Dollars to donuts, there will be a bounce-back effect, an odd homage to pandemic times –…
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•August 25, 2022
Bayside Bad Guys With Wings; When First Aid Gets Overexuberant
Monday’s downpour was quite a flash flooder. You’ll see some photos within this issue of The SandPaper.
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•August 21, 2022
Cownose Rays Horsing Around in the Surf; Orcas With Attitudes Come Crashing Down
Island beachlines felt a glorious influx of milder surf waters, compliments of downwelling north winds. Adding awesomeness to the warmer-ness was acrylic-clear water – and the first notable stingray…
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•August 15, 2022
Arctic Shark Does a Nonstop to Belize; Days of Saying Something Are Here
Ocean temps remain in a bather-maddening pendulum mode – ups and downs far beyond what we usually feel nowabouts.
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•August 6, 2022
Island Cottontails Making a Post-Coyote Comeback; Black Sea Bass Poacher Busted Flat in Barnegat Inlet
How in bloody hell can it be August already!? Einstein said time is relative. Well, it’s apparently no relative of mine. I haven’t even managed to unwrinkle all my aloha shirts, much less sport them…
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•July 27, 2022
Surfline Is on a Hot-and-Cold Roll; Pricing a New Extended Cab Maserati
BIPOLAR BATHING: Certain summers seem inclined to dole out drastic ocean temperature swings. We’re seemingly immersed in just such a schizophrenic water stint. We’ve already had a series of highly…
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•July 21, 2022
Sharing the Water With Sharks Aplenty; World’s Largest Fluke Gets No Respect
Someone left the furnace door open, allowing a hellish hunk of heat to run free. The bake is not on for only our county, but for much of the Northern Hemisphere.
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•July 13, 2022
Grab Your BB Guns, Lanternflies Are Attacking; Sand Crab Pieces Are Just a Molting Thing
I’m not sure if it was a twist of wind or possibly nearby forest fires, but Southern Ocean County, including LBI, has seen quite the influx of the deemed dread-worthy spotted lanternflies (SLF).…
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•July 11, 2022
Spending a Lovely Day on a Recycled Glass Beach; No End in Sight for Fed-backed Beach Replenishments
It was the most crowded July Fourth – or any summer day – ever. As irrefutable scientific proof, I had to park over two blocks from my workplace on Monday – and even then, I inched into a…
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•June 29, 2022
Southern Ocean County Bearing It All; Staying Safely in the Swim of Things
A moment of bearishness in these inflationary times. I have fielded an unusually high number of reports of black bear sightings, with a slew reaching me from within the jungles of social media.
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•June 28, 2022
Mullica Wildfire Comes at the Worst of Times; Kiteboarder Takes the Weirdest of Wounds
Sorry, but I have to commence this week’s column with downness of the highest degree, speaking of the fierce wildfire over in the Pinelands, an area of the Mullica Basin I’ve frequented since kid…
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•June 18, 2022
We Brake for Terrapins; Poachers in Our Midst
It’s that time of year when we rally to save/assist egg-laying diamondback terrapins, which qualify as “lady terps” – for all you University of Maryland alumni.
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•June 9, 2022
Bumble Bees Making It Big as Flying Fish; Inshore, Offshore and Somewhere In-Between
Joining the list of things that will be larger than ever this summer is the mariner realm, as new highs in registered vessels and captain certificates point to our waters all but boiling with…
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•June 2, 2022
When Motorists and Pedestrians Combine; New e-Bikes Making Moves on Roadways
It was nice seeing everyone over the weekend … as in everyone in the frickin’ state! Can you imagine what July 4th will be like this year, especially with temperatures scheduled to be near 100? – a…
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•May 26, 2022
They Gave All So We Might Party Onward; The Pinelands Are Blazing With Pollen
It’s that holiday weekend when we let the summerness begin, despite the calendar technically clinging to springiness. The summer solstice, marking the longest day of the year, takes place on June 21…
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•May 19, 2022
Capture the Moment, Think Horizontal; Trillion Trees Present Perfect Start to Bettering Skies
There’s now a slew of waterproof cases for smartphones, which have reached an Einstein-grade smartness, meaning they need serious protecting when in the hands of anglers, especially those of a boat…
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•May 15, 2022
A Wind Whacking That Unlooses Naysayers; It’s Time to Begin Regreening LBI
It was quite the rollicking wind whacking we’re slowly shaking off. It was an old-fashioned three-day(-plus) nor’easter.
