In the spirit of the upcoming Memorial Day weekend, I have a special message. It’s directed at a certain group among those returning to LBI yearning for a cool ocean breeze, a game of volleyball, a bucket of garlic mussels and, with a little luck, a trip to the Pancake House with someone you met seven hours earlier over Red Bull and vodkas. This message is to my friends,the Guidos, who will be coming over the bridge in new gym shorts to rage this summer.

Let me start by offering my sympathies. That the garbage reality show on MTV has given you guys a bad name.