There is absolutely no way I could let this one go without sufficient commentary. Last week, the luxury department store Nordstrom released something of a bomb on the fashion world. They’re called the Barracuda Straight Leg Jeans. These “heavily distressed medium-blue denim jeans in a comfortable straight-leg fit embody rugged Americana workwear that’s seen some hard-working action,” says shop. Nordstrom.com. They have a button fly closure, classic straight cut, and five pockets.

And they’re caked with fake mud.

Admittedly, Nordstrom pretty much gave me my column gift-wrapped this week.