Sometimes I don’t know how I would write my column if it weren’t for stupid marketing emails. From motorized surfboard fins to something called “Bosom Culture Boob Glue,” I’ve used press releases that come across my inbox as Liquid Line fodder for years.

They say there’s no such thing as bad press, but if you’re trying to market something that idiotic, well, let’s make sure you get some terrible press out of it, even if it’s only in a little slice of the world called Southern Ocean County.