Have you ever wondered what happened to the brilliant graduates from M.I.T. to Cal Tech? Have they found careers as engineers and scientists? Maybe one of them will find a cure for cancer or build a better mousetrap. I think I’ve found the answer. These masterminds are being hired by the finest companies in the country to build a bigger and better plastic squirter for condiments.

If you doubt my theory, go to the refrigerator and take out that cute little bottle of Gulden’s mustard.